I am trying my goddamn best over here. But my best is never enough. Everything surpasses my best. Everyone. I don't need this, I can't handle this. It's killing me and eating my insides. Everywhere around me people are taking things into their own hands, taking control of their life, while I'm over here letting mine go. Letting things happen, not caring about some stupid fucking outcome because the outcome is always bad. Never as I anticipate it, so why bother?
Why fucking bother? And say that I would put some thoughts into my actions I seem to unconsciously chose the worst possible outcome just to hurt myself. My self destruction is taking over.
And I love it.
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